The DM Bait-and-Switch (and Why It Needs to Stop)

You know the drill.

Someone slides into your DMs, all friendly and chatty. Maybe they ask about your business, compliment your latest post, or strike up a conversation about something random.

And then — boom. The switch flips.

Suddenly, the “genuine” conversation is revealed for what it actually was all along: a setup for a pitch.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this, you know exactly how it feels:

• Disappointing — because you thought they actually wanted to connect.
• Icky — because now you’re stuck awkwardly trying to get out of a sales convo you never signed up for.
• Predictable — because, unfortunately, this happens all the time.

And honestly? I hate that we’ve been taught to do this.

The Problem with the Fake-Friend Strategy

A lot of entrepreneurs are told this is just “how you sell.”

That warming up a lead means getting into their inbox and building rapport — not because you actually care about what they have to say, but because it makes them more likely to buy when you finally pitch.

Let’s be clear: That’s not relationship-building. That’s manipulation.

And people see right through it.

It’s why so many of us cringe when we see a new DM notification from someone we don’t know (or just connected with).

We’re not excited — we’re suspicious. Because we know the game.

And the second trust is broken? The sale is dead before it even had a chance.

What to Do Instead (Because Selling Isn’t the Problem)

Look, I’m not saying you should never pitch in the DMs. If you truly have something that could help someone, by all means, tell them about it!

The problem isn’t selling. It’s how it’s being done.

So let’s talk about a better way:

Be upfront about why you’re reaching out.

If you’re DMing because you think they’d be a great fit for something or that you have something you think would be a great fit for them, just say that.

No fake small talk. No pretending to be interested in their dog’s name just to get to the sale. People respect honesty.

When you lead with transparency, you show that you value their time (and yours). A simple, direct approach might look like:

"Hey [Name], I came across your content and love what you’re doing in [industry]. I have something that I truly think could help you with [specific pain point] — would you be open to hearing about it?"

No pressure, no tricks — just an open, honest conversation. And if they’re not interested? No big deal. You’ve left the interaction with your integrity intact.

Talk to people like . . . people.

It’s wild that this even has to be said, but here we are. Not every interaction needs to be a stepping stone to a sale. Some of the best business relationships (and friendships!) come from organic conversations with zero ulterior motive.

This means engaging with people because you’re genuinely interested in what they’re doing—not because you see them as a potential sale. Respond to their posts with real thoughts. Cheer them on. Ask questions that show you actually care.

When you build relationships authentically, the right opportunities naturally present themselves—without anyone feeling like they’ve been played.

If you’re genuinely just engaging because you want to connect, then do that. Don’t make every interaction a setup for something else. Some of the best business relationships come from organic conversations with no ulterior motive.

Let people opt into the pitch (instead of having to wiggle their way out of it).

There’s nothing worse than realizing too late that a conversation you're in the middle of was just a setup for a sale. It’s like being invited to coffee with a friend, only to find out it’s actually a timeshare presentation.

Instead of forcing someone into a pitch, give them an easy way to say yes (or no).

A simple way to do this:
"Hey, I have something that could really help with [problem they’re facing] — would you like to hear more about it?"

This approach is powerful because:

• It respects their autonomy.
• It removes the awkward pressure.
• It makes the conversation feel collaborative, not one-sided.

And if they’re not interested? Cool. You’ve left the door open for future conversations . . . instead of tempting them to leave you on unread whenever they see your name pop up in their inbox.

Trust that your people will come.

The reason so many people resort to "sneaky" sales tactics isn’t because they want to manipulate others — it’s because they’re terrified of coming off as “salesy.”

Here’s the thing: we’ve all been tricked or manipulated by sales tactics at some point, so it’s understandable why we want to avoid that feeling.

Unfortunately, that fear of being “too salesy” leads many to resort to the very tactics that feel inauthentic. It’s a classic catch-22.

But here's the truth: sales isn’t a dirty word.

When you’re upfront, confident in what you offer, and open about it, you build trust. The right people will see the value you bring — and they’ll find you without you having to trick them into a conversation.

Focus on marketing in a way that builds trust — creating content that speaks directly to your ideal audience, showing up consistently, and making it clear how you can help. When people see you as an authority and trust your integrity, they’ll come to you — no bait necessary.

Let’s Sell Differently.

The “DM and disguise-the-pitch” strategy? It’s outdated. It’s sleazy. And it’s not how businesses built on trust and longevity operate.

Selling doesn’t have to feel manipulative. It can be honest. It can feel good. And when done right, it creates genuine connections that turn into actual long-term customers — not just one-off sales.

If you’re ready to ditch the ick and create authentic content and copy that resonates deeply with your ideal audience, let’s talk. Book a call with me, and let’s build a strategy that attracts your people without the bait-and-switch.