What I Learned from Dating Someone Who Wasn't Ready

A couple of years ago, I was quietly dating someone who seemed like he “checked all the boxes” of what I was looking for in a partner.

Kind. Funny. Loyal. Handsome. Could actually hold a real conversation, day in and day out.

He was close to his family, had a strong work ethic, and made me feel seen in a way that made me hopeful.

And — cherry on top — he was into me, too.

He told me I had all the qualities he wanted in a partner. Said I was “wife material”.

But then he said this:

“I’m realizing that I’m just not sure I’m ready for a relationship right now.”

Cue the record scratch.

He said he wasn’t where he wanted to be financially.

He didn’t feel mentally or emotionally in a space where he could fully show up for me the way he wanted to.

And me, being the loyal, empathetic, ride-or-die kind of person I am . . . I tried to reassure him.

I told him I didn’t care about the money. We weren’t living together — I paid my own bills.

I said I was still healing, too, so I’d never expect him to be perfect.

What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t just trying to reassure him that he was ready.

I was trying to convince him that he was ready.

And not just with my words — with my actions.

I went DEEP into “great girlfriend" mode.

Supportive. Affectionate. Patient. Generous. Dependable.

Partly because that’s just who I am.

But part of it was me trying to be worthy of being chosen.

I wasn’t just trying to help him see that he was good enough for me.

I was trying to prove that I was good enough for him.

What I didn’t see then was:

👉 He told me his truth.

👉 He wasn’t ready.

👉 And as much as he liked me, he didn’t want it enough to show up for it.

He had work to do.

And honestly? So did I.

Here’s the big, uncomfortable truth that came for me months later like a spiritual smack in the face:

When someone isn’t ready, and you try to convince them to be ready, you lose yourself in the process.

And if it takes convincing, it’s probably not the right fit.

That applies to dating.

That applies to business.

That applies to damn near everything.

If you’re dating . . .

You can be emotionally available, loyal, and deeply present.

You can know you’re ready to love and be loved — and still feel like you’re constantly trying to prove you’re “worth the risk.”

If you’re always the one planning the dates . . .

Always the one initiating the conversations . . .

Always the one making space and excuses for their uncertainty . . .

That’s not a relationship — that’s a performance.

And odds are, you’re trying to convince someone who just isn’t available for what you’re offering.

👉 People who say they want connection, but ghost when it gets real.

👉 People who love being adored, but don’t know how to reciprocate.

👉 People who aren’t emotionally available — no matter how much they want to be.

If it feels one-sided, that’s not your cue to try harder.

It’s your cue to walk away with your self-worth intact.

And the same thing happens in business.

You can KNOW you’re good at what you do.

You can have testimonials, results, and an offer you’re proud of.

You can see exactly who it’s perfect for — and still feel like the numbers just aren’t lining up with the energy you’re putting in.

If you’re constantly explaining your value . . .

If every lead takes ten follow-ups and a pep talk . . .

If you’re doing all the things and still feel stuck in “convince mode” . . .

You’re probably talking to the wrong people.

👉 People who say they love what you do but never buy.

👉 People who want the transformation but not the commitment.

👉 People who aren’t mentally, emotionally, or financially ready.

And none of that means your offer sucks. Or that YOU do.

It just means they’re not a mutual fit.

Because the right clients — the ones who are your people — don’t need a grand performance or a carefully crafted case for your worth.

They don’t need convincing.

They just need you to show up in a way that feels real and true for you.

When your copy, your presence, and your energy come from that place . . .

People feel it.

They trust it.

And they act on it.

So whether you’re dating, making friends, or building a business, the goal isn’t to change someone’s mind.

It’s to be yourself clearly enough that the right people know they’ve found what they’ve been looking for.

These days, I’m focused on showing up with intention, clarity, and real MEness — not proving, not persuading.

I trust that the right people will see me.

That what I say will land where it’s meant to.

And that the people who are ready will take action when they decide to.

And I’m letting that be enough.